Pick Me-Choose Me-Hire Me #17 Fear, Doubt, Etc.
Whoever said "What you don't know can't hurt you" was a complete and total moron. Because ... for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. ~Meredith GreyRemember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anymore telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. ~Meredith Grey
Yes loyal readers, this entry necessitates two Grey's quotes. It may have something to do with the fact that I found my Season Two DVDs while cleaning and have been putting on my own mini-marathon, or it could be due to the fact that I am just a mess. From the outside looking in, I'm doing great. I have two on-campus interviews that I am really excited about lined up in the next few weeks, schoolwork is not at the level that it was earlier in the semester, and my staff is doing well. However, from the inside looking out, I am a disaster.
Although I am really excited about interviewing with one of my #1 schools in May and my #2 school on Wednesday I am super nervous and not very confident. You may notice that I have bumped up my #2 school from the rank of #6. I realized that it was really just one person that I didn't click with even though everything else about the position lined up with what I want. I guess I should thank grad school for teaching me great reflective thinking skills! Anyway, yes I am super excited to be on campus and meet students and potential colleagues. However, for some reason my self-confidence has taken a total and complete nosedive. I don't think that I was ever full of myself or anything, but I think I have good experiences, great references, and I love to interview. Therefore, seeing as I have only heard from 4 schools out of 19 schools that I interviewed with, I am beginning to question myself. I have been having absolutely crazy dreams that correspond with a feeling of not being in control and I have to say that I feel totally out of control with this process. I don't like the sit-and-wait game! I just want to know already! If you don't like me, fine. I can deal with that. I CANNOT deal with not knowing and being in this perpetual state of self-questioning.
Additionally, as I was looking over the information from one of my other #1 schools, I realized that they require two years of professional experience. I do not understand how I have missed this the whole time. What is even more perplexing is that they never mentioned it during my two interviews. Therefore, since I haven't heard anything, they either really didn't like me or I am not qualified. Both options suck, but I would rather not be qualified than option #1. I am still waiting to hear from my final #1 school, but since I haven't heard anything so far, I am not holding out too much hope.
Even though I am not too confident, I am really and truly excited for my on-campus visit with my true #1 school in May. This was the institution that I fell in love with way back in December so it is very satisfying to be able to make it to this point in the process. Although I am really excited, the prospect of moving all of my stuff all the way across the country is not exciting whatsoever. Also, the idea of buying a car, paying taxes, getting insurance, paying loans, buying groceries, dealing with investments, renting a U-Haul, (which would be over $1600 plus gas, hotel, food, etc. for a cross-country trek) and packing are making this time very, very stressful. I can deal with professional responsibilities in my job, but personal responsibilities scare the crap out of me. My parents are the typical parents of Millennial children and although I appreciate their contributions to my lifestyle more than I will ever admit, I think the level of support they have given actually makes me less prepared to enter the world of adulthood. I have no clue about getting a loan, buying a car, shopping for insurance, and can barely balance my checkbook.
I don't know where that leaves me other than being totally and completely scared about this next phase of my life. I have come to realize that I can deal with change, just not with transition. I just want the change to happen miraculously overnight and then go from there. Wish me luck dear readers as I try to summon up the confidence to make a good impression for my on-campus interview. This is my first one so I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about when I return!
posted by StudentAffairs.com @ 2:41 PM
1 Comments:
Dear Pick Me,
Millenial? Wow. Okay, so I was born on the cusp of Gen X and Y, roughly 1980, so I'm a bit older than you, but really, if you can buy gas, you can surely buy groceries. It's the same concept: diesel or gas or E85 biofuel...Here's a hint: stay to the outside of the store for healthy foods, shop your produce first to make sure your cart is full of the good for you stuff first, and venture into the cookie aisle at your own risk. Or, if you live in a big enough city, buy your groceries online. :-) Don't shop when you're hungry, and shop when the stores are the least full (get up early on Saturday morning and then take a nap in the afternoon) and power through. If you can, shop for several weeks of dry goods and you'll only have milk, bread, fresh fruit etc to buy weekly. If you have dried pasta on hand, you'll never starve. Take a cooking class or look to a relative with expertise for the basic lessons. Offer to buy the ingredients if they'll teach you how to make something REALLY good. It can't hurt to know how to make a good lasagna or your own pizza sauce. Look for advice on pantry staples online. Spices are your friend and so are discount grocery stores for most produce and canned food. Good luck and take the plunge, or run through a grocery store to check out the layout. Get a big cart and push it. If you're living alone, you'll only need a big cart once in a while, otherwise a little basket will do. :-) Don't wait until you're starved and living on your own to check it out. Even if you walk the store's aisles for hours and only buy bananas or chips, no one will notice. Do it now while you are still where you feel comfortable--all stores are basically the same. Find your favorite foods as a kid or gourmet indulgences--looking for them you will find the basic items you need (sometimes in surprising places) as you go. Oh yes, and TAKE A LIST!!
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