Pick Me-Choose Me-Pick Me #20- Pain
Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more. ~Meredith GreyOne week ago the landscape of American colleges and universities changed forever. One week ago 32 members of the Virginia Tech community were senselessly murdered by a tortured soul with little regard for the dignity of the human spirit, including his own. One week ago today I felt a sense of overwhelming and indescribable pain that is still hard to comprehend.
Tonight, the community on my campus held a candlelight vigil to show support and solidarity with the Virginia Tech community. My institution has many similar qualities and characteristics of Tech, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility for something like that to happen here. I was one of around 500 students, staff, and faculty members who gathered near our Student Union. I attended with three of my RAs and attempted to be strong for them and ride out my pain, but I think I failed miserably.
The symbolism of the candlelight was not lost on me tonight. It was fairly windy and the entire crowd was struggling to keep their candles lit. However, as the speaker read the names of the victims aloud, the wind completely stopped. For those few moments, I knew that something larger than myself was at work and I hoped that others in the crowd were feeling the same sense of peace that I was experiencing. As soon as the speaker was finished reading the names, a trumpeter played "Taps" and the light was immediately extinguished.
I couldn't help but be emotional during the vigil, especially when I was surrounded by my amazing RAs. When Ryan Clark's name was read, I absolutely lost it. Ryan Clark was an RA in West Ambler Johnston Hall and arrived when he heard a commotion in the room. He was the shooter's second victim. Ryan was literally just doing his job. He was confronting a loud room just like any other day. I immediately thought about how many times my staff members have done the same thing and how many times they have put themselves in harm's way for the sake of one of their residents. I let myself, for one brief moment, imagine my life if one of my RAs were hurt or worse in one of my halls. Then, I took a deep breathe, let the pain wash over me, gave thanks for their safety, and prayed like hell that I would be able to fight through this.
posted by StudentAffairs.com @ 9:25 PM
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